


i'm real and i don't feel like boys

by ImSoSupernova



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Female Friendship, Gen, Supportive Sana, compulsory heterosexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 08:32:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10737993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImSoSupernova/pseuds/ImSoSupernova
Summary: Vilde has a secret she needs to tell, and Sana's the only person she trusts to hear it.





	i'm real and i don't feel like boys

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE shoutout to Zoë (@ziggy-sapphdust) for being an AMAZING beta, and to all the gays in the skamwlwnet for being supportive and amazing
> 
> For Lesbian Visibility Day 2017

The night starts out like a typical Friday night. Vilde or Eva or Chris have secured  invites to some party at someone’s house and now Sana’s surrounded by loud music and drunk people trying to dance. Pounding, hot, and stuffy, and yeah--pretty much a typical friday night. Noora’s MIA again--citing something having to do with Linn and Eskild and cooking dinner as her excuse--so Sana’s left alone to be the sober one looking after her friends and making sure they don’t get hurt or do something particularly stupid.

Sana’s taken her typical place among the party guests, perched on a couch off to the side in an angle that gives her a full vantage point of the room. From here she sits and watches, taking in everyone around her and taking mental note of anything that catches her eye observing the couples dancing and hooking up and drinking. Sometimes she thinks she knows some relationships better than the actual couples do. This thought makes her chuckle a little.

Realizing it’s been a bit since she’s checked on her friends, she looks up to scan the room. She spots Chris right away in the center of the room, talking to a group of guys who are laughing and hanging onto her every word. A little more searching and she locates Eva dancing and laughing with Ingrid and Sara. And Vilde...Sana sits up straighter. She can’t find Vilde.

Of course it’s probably nothing to worry about. She’s likely popped into the bathroom, or just in another part of the house that’s not the main room. But Sana knows that she won’t be able to relax until she makes sure. So she gets up and starts looking. 

“Eva?” Sana has to yell over the music, and Eva’s clearly sloshed, but she seems to be the most likely person to know where Vilde is. “Have you seen Vilde?”  
“Who?” Eva yells. She grabs Sana’s hands in attempt to get Sana to dance.

“Vil-de!” Sana shouts. “Have you seen her?”

“Not recently,” Eva yells back. “Has anyone ever told you you’re super pretty, Sana? Like kinda ridiculously good-looking?”  
Sana’s a little surprised, and she can’t help but laugh and blush a little. “Thanks, Eva,” she says. Then she remembers her mission and hurries off.

Chris is next, definitely a little tipsy but not nearly as hammered as Eva. “Hey Chris,” Sana shouts, “have you seen Vilde? I can’t find her.”

“Vilde?” Chris cries. “Hmm...I think I saw her go outside a few minutes ago.”

“Outside?” Sana asks. “Was she with anyone?”  
“I think she was alone,” Chris answers. “Actually, now that you mention it, I think she looked a little upset.”

_ “Upset?” _ Sana repeats.  _ Fuck. _

“Yeah!” Chris yells. “Or maybe I was just imagining it. I love this song!” She starts dancing again and Sana realizes Chris is about done talking about Vilde. She leaves her to dance and hurries outside. 

It’s a warm night out, and the air smells damp and springy. It takes a second for Sana’s ears to adjust to the sudden quiet. Vilde’s not the only one who’s taking a break outside; Sana spots a few groups of kids having a smoke together, and a few couples taking advantage of the privacy of the bushes as well. Sana stands on the porch, scanning the yard for a familiar blonde head. 

“Sana?” She hears a voice on her left. “Is that you?”

She turns to see Vilde sitting slumped in a porch swing. “Vilde,” Sana realizes, and quickly hurries over to sit next to her. “Are you okay?” she asks. 

“Yeah-yeah, I’m okay.” Vilde looks down at her feet, but not before Sana notices that her eyes are puffy and tearstained.

“Okay.” Sana shrugs. “Do you mind if I hang out here for a bit anyway? It’s pretty loud in there.”

Vilde doesn’t say anything, but scoots over so Sana has more room. Sana takes that as a yes.

The two sit in silence for a while, listening to the distant thudding of the music, the occasional shriek or nearby burst of laughter, the drunken singing. After about twenty minutes Vilde seems to have calmed down a bit, and Sana begins to feel like she should go back in to check on Eva and Chris again, but it’s honestly just so  _ nice  _ being away from all the overwhelming party chaos and sit with her thoughts and just  _ breathe _ .

“I’m sorry.”

Sana jolts back to reality. “What?” 

“I’m sorry,” Vilde repeats.

Sana’s too surprised by this turn of events to choke out more than a “W-what for?”

“Everything.” Vilde wipes her nose. “I’ve been just  _ awful _ to you lately, Sana, just talking talking talking and saying things that make you and everyone else uncomfortable and annoyed and-and-and--” She takes a deep breath. “It’s not even true, Sana. Any of it.”

Sana’s completely lost. “Any of what?”

Vilde swallows and closes her eyes for a second.

“We’re-we’re not...having sex. Magnus and I. We haven’t fucked since the Christmas party. We’re not...doing the reverse cowgirl. I’m not--coming and coming and coming. Like--we make out. And I can tell he wants to do more but every time we get close to doing it I just--it makes me feel so sick and I just  _ can’t _ . I just--can’t.”

She’s crying again now and Sana can’t think of anything to say. All she can do is sit and wait for Vilde to continue.

“And I just can’t figure out why, you know? Like, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have sex with my boyfriend? Like, I know I  _ can  _ feel horny, I have before when--” Vilde takes a deep breath. “When Eva made out with me--when  _ I _ kissed Eva--I felt--I felt  _ something  _ more. And--” she hiccups “--and I didn’t think anything of it, or I  _ tried  _ not to think anything of it, but then I started noticing how I felt when I saw Eva, or Noora, or Ingrid or Sara or Iben or Mari or Chris, or  _ you _ , Sana,  _ you _ , and that’s different than how I felt about William or Magnus or even your brother, and--and--and--” Vilde squeezes her eyes shut. “I think--I think I--I like girls, Sana. I think--I’m gay.”

Vilde dissolves into sobs and Sana’s completely at a loss for words. Then Vilde pulls Sana into a rib-cracking hug, and all Sana can do is hug her back, and whisper, “It’s okay, it’s okay” over and over again.

They stay like this for a while. Sana doesn’t know how long. She loses track of time wrapped in Vilde’s embrace. Then Vilde pulls away suddenly, looks her in the eyes, and says tentatively, “Sana? Are we--do you still want to be friends with me?”

Sana’s so surprised that she laughs out loud. “Of course, Vilde! Who do you think I am? I’ve told you before--friends stick with each other. No matter what.”

Vilde smiles, and the night seems ten times brighter than before. “Thank you,” she whispers. “So much.”

Sana can’t help smiling back. “What are friends for?”

Vilde laughs (laughs!) and hugs Sana again. “Do you know,” she says in Sana’s ear, “you’re the first person I’ve told about this--ever?”

_ The first person she’s told about this ever. _

Sana doesn’t expect those words to be so overwhelming but she feels something lifting in her chest and a tightness in her throat and-- _ fuck! Fuck! Fuck!  _

“Sana,” Vilde pulls back. “Are you--are you  _ crying _ ?”

“ _ What? _ No,” Sana says, hurriedly wiping the tears from her eyes. 

“I can’t believe this!” Vilde laughs. “ _ Sana  _ has a soft side?”

“Tell anyone and I’ll kill you.” Sana tries, and fails, to be stern. “But Vilde--thank you.”

“Of course.” Vilde grins. “You’re my  _ friend _ .”

“And just between you and me,” Sana murmurs, “I don’t think you’re the only not-straight girl on our bus.”

“Wait, what?” Vilde cries. “What? Who?”

Sana just smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Check out my tumblr @lesbian-noora


End file.
